


The Perils of Penelope

by darth_stitch



Series: He Blows It Eight-To-The-Bar (In Boogie Rhythm) [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers' First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3088223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darth_stitch/pseuds/darth_stitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which we learn how Agent Galaga's Nana Penny gave Steve Rogers his first kiss.   The first of a series of stories around Steve Rogers and the friends he made among the USO Showgirls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perils of Penelope

So Agent Galaga ( _Mr. Stark, my name’s Jonathan Wade and I really, really don’t have a Galaga problem)_ has a family history when it comes to giving Adorkable Trolling Nonagenerian Punks kisses and giving grumpy Winter Soldiers a Severe Case of the Jellies.

It really started with his Nana, Penny.

Once upon a time in Brooklyn, New York, there was a lovely young lady with a big dream. She had a great singing voice and was pretty light on her feet. She’d sat time and again in a darkened movie theater, dreaming of the day she’d be up on that screen, with her name in lights.   Her name – _Penelope_ – was already perfect for that. So she could see it now – _The Perils of Penelope_ – be romanced by the likes of Tyrone Power or Bogart while leaping off into one adventure after another.

Of course, right now, being cornered in an alley by a couple of bozos who didn’t know how to take a lady’s _“no”_ for an answer was _not_ Penny’s idea of an adventure. She’d bashed one moron’s head in with her purse – she kept a brick in there for precisely that purpose – stepped on the other guy’s foot and then kneed him in the groin – _missed god damn it –_ and she was about to execute a record breaking sprint to make her getaway.

Except one of the jerks grabbed the back of her skirt and – _rrrrip!_

“HEY! YOU GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!”

A trash can lid went flying and neatly clipped the fella who grabbed her skirt on the head. This time he went down. A hand grabbed hers and together, they hotfooted it out of there and to safety. He’d led her back to her apartment, where she could fix her skirt. He made her some tea and found a couple of cookies that Aunt Debbie had baked just for Penny and kept her company while she settled her nerves.

That was how Penelope Fox became friends with Bitty Baby Steve Rogers.

She knew he was one of her neighbors – they would sometimes pass each other in the hallway and Bitty Baby Steve was a sweetheart who knew how to be polite to a lady.   And of course, _everyone_ in the neighborhood knew about charming, handsome Bucky Barnes, who had a reputation for being a sweet talker for everyone wearing a skirt.

Except Penny had always thought he seemed to be a bit _sweet_ on Steve, but she’d kept her mouth shut on that, not wanting to get anyone in trouble. People didn’t really openly talk about _that_ sort of thing then. Their other neighbor Jules – who really preferred to be _Jilly_ – was a darling girl who looked fabulous in heels, dresses and make-up. And then there was Mae, their other neighbor and incidentally a good friend of Penny’s, a nurse who would have preferred to be addressed as a _Mister_ if the rest of the world weren’t so stupid about queer folk. They didn’t harm anybody, it was honestly nobody else’s business who they wanted to be or who they wanted to love, but yeah, that was how the world was and it wasn’t right or fair.

But well – Bitty Baby Steve became Penny’s friend and occasionally, she’d look in on him if he’d gotten sick again and couldn’t get out of bed, despite all his protests.   She and Mae were collectively referred to by Bucky as “the Cavalry” – the ones he called on for reinforcements if Steve was putting on an extra dose of stubborn.  

And that business about being Bitty Baby Steve’s first kiss happened on _his_ birthday, when they’d all had a little bit too much to drink.  Steve had an incredibly high alcohol tolerance but was an affectionate teddy bear once he’d got a good buzz going. Also, he was hilariously maudlin to boot. So it was a combination of that and his regular sheer adorableness that prompted Penny to give him a perfect little smooch for his birthday present.

He froze at first but he very quickly picked up on things and honestly, Penny was all too happy to help him along because while _she_ wasn’t a “fast” girl, she had kissed a fella or two before. And kissing Steve Rogers was one of the sweetest things she’d ever experienced.

And that was how she learned she was Steve Rogers’ Very First Kiss.

Also, that was how she first saw Bucky Barnes with a Proper Case of the Jellies. And learned that _both_ idiots were apparently _pining_ for each other in silence beautiful _the entire god damn time._

No, it really didn’t take the drink for Penny to march right on up to the Idiot named James Buchanan Barnes and deliver a ringing speech on how he could continue to stew in the jellies like a great big ol’ galumphing dumbass or he could, _finally_ , get on with the business of kissing Steve himself, which would be all the more meaningful considering he’d be getting it from the fella he was so hopelessly sweet on. And also: “James Buchanan Barnes, you better keep him happy and don’t break his heart or so help me, I will put _two_ bricks in my purse and bash your head with it.”

“Yes ma’am,” was the only response Penny would take. Thankfully, her two idiot boys _finally_ got on with things.

And then, the war happened.

Penny still hadn’t let go of her dream of getting into showbusiness and she’d figured that becoming a USO showgirl was just a step in the right direction. She knew Bucky had been drafted into the war and the last she’d heard of Bitty Baby Steve was that he was still trying to _enlist_ – but she’d lost touch with both her friends since she and her fellow showgirls were now touring and moving around so much.

And then, the tour director and manager – Stan – comes in with this new idea for a show, featuring this “Captain America” character. Penny had heard of this incident about Nazi spies in Brooklyn and how one soldier had stopped them from escaping back to Germany. Apparently it was this Captain America fella and it wasn’t some kind of propaganda fairy tale after all.

Naturally, she’s shocked to find out that Captain America is _Bitty Baby Steve Rogers_ , who’s somehow grown a foot taller and gained about two hundred pounds.

There’s a wounded _Penny!_ from Steve at this, because, hey, he was a hundred and ten before the…. top secret thing that happened to him that changed him so drastically.

And Penny stared him down and says, “Stevie, you know that Bucky’s gonna kill you for this, right? I mean, he’s gonna be happy that you’re healthy and everything but - “

"Yeah," Steve is miserable.

"And then, after he gets over himself, he’s going to climb you like a tree and kiss you stupid."

"Penny!"

"Aw, you two have been sweet on each other since forever. That’s his Ma’s ring you’re wearing on your dogtags - did he propose to you properly or what?”

If Steve blushed any redder, he’s going to explode.

Penny took pity on him. “Tell me all about it later, baby boy. First, there’s some lines you gotta learn for our show.”

 


End file.
